


A priest who became a cop

by snafund



Category: Barisi - Fandom, Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Fluff, actually just rafa being obvious, alcohol & drugs, barisi fluff, difficult childhood, he's a small boy, help sonny, hints of barisi, not really hints, teenage, they two being married af, why am i so dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-05-09 19:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14722590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snafund/pseuds/snafund
Summary: ''Sonny smiled at her back and then looked into his cup. He really didn’t feel like drinking coffee right now and the smell made him feel sick. So, he got up and poured the still steaming hot coffee into the sink. He found himself again after a minute, just standing there, staring into the drain.''





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just needed this in my life

Sonny got out another cigarette. This was one of those days he’d already burnt through a pack within noon. His hands were shaking as he tried to light up the cigarette. He grunted in annoyance and took a breath before managing to do it. The first long drag he took filled his mind with calmness. The nicotine made him feel a little better again.

 

Working in the SVU had turned a huge page in his life. Previously, all the precincts he had worked in had thrown him out in a month. But SVU had kept him, although he had had a hard time fitting in there, too. But slowly, the others had started to accept him as a part of the team.

 

The cigarette started to get short and he looked at his apple-watch. It was about time he should get back in. These brief moments of calming down had become a part in his daily work routine. They had started a few weeks ago when the team worked on a case involving young boys being sex trafficked. He had put all his mind into the case and couldn’t sleep or eat during it. It also sent him back to his own childhood, when he himself was scared and vulnerable.

  
  


_        Sonny grew up in Staten Island, an Italian part of town. They weren’t rich, their family had just enough money to live fairly comfortably. Sonny had three sisters, whom he loved and cared for more than anything. He was a tall, lanky kid who liked comics and science, which the other kids in school picked him about. He used to have fair blonde hair and his blue eyes popped out in the middle of the other Italian-American kids.  _

 

_ One day he won’t ever forget. He was about 14, walking to school when one of the kids who hated him started yelling from behind him. Sonny didn’t dare to turn his head to look, but he knew who it was. Bobby Bianci, one of the tough kids a year older than him. As he noticed Sonny didn’t care for his insults, he walked up to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. _

 

_ ‘’Hey, Carisi, what you up to?’’ Bobby asked with an insulting voice which made Sonny feel shivers up his spine. ‘’What, you gonna cry?’’ _

 

_ Sonny didn’t reply. He felt relieved for a second when Bobby let his shoulder go but soon after that he felt his fingers grab his hair. He got thrown back, then forward into a bus-stop ad. His face got smashed into the glass and broke it into million little pieces. Bobby laughed, let go of Sonny and walked away. ‘’Don’t try your luck with me, Carisi.’’  _

 

_ Sonny got a dozen cuts on his face. The teachers, parents and even the principal questioned him for who did it, but he never said. He was too scared to give up Bobby. And so, he held it in. The taunting and bullying stopped after a year, when Sonny grew a little and Bobby moved to another town. But Sonny never forgot. He never told anyone about the incident, not even about the bullying in general. _

  
  


       Sonny got the elevator back up to the unit’s office. He walked past the others to his desk and sat down, stretching his back. He cracked his knuckles and got back into reading a pile of paperwork. Benson had stomped the pile on his table yesterday and asked him to read through and search for evidence on a case involving a prestigious investor and a rape. He had to go through hundreds of donations to find out if he had paid off the people involved with the crime.

 

‘’Coffee?’’ Rollins asked and snapped Sonny out of his mindless reading. ‘’You want some?’’

 

Sonny nodded a yes and looked at his watch again. He had spent two hours without even noticing. It was about time for a break so he got up and followed Rollins into the breakroom. He sat down at the table and quietly waited for Rollins to make them both a cup.

 

‘’You okay?’’ Rollins asked as she offered him his cup. ‘’You’ve been a little off lately.’’

 

‘’Oh?’’ Sonny smirked tiredly, trying to look normal. ‘’I haven’t noticed…’’

 

‘’Hmm..’’ Rollins said as she took a sip of her coffee. She looked at Sonny for a second longer and then turned to leave the room. ‘’Just checking.’’

 

Sonny smiled at her back and then looked into his cup. He really didn’t feel like drinking coffee right now and the smell made him feel sick. So, he got up and poured the still steaming hot coffee into the sink. He found himself again after a minute, just standing there, staring into the drain. He felt uncomfortable and reached for his collar to loosen his tie. He unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and put his hand in to straighten his neck chain. It had gotten tangled and the cross on it was carving into his skin.

  
  


_        The other big thing in Sonny’s childhood and teenage was the church. He had been brought up a devoted catholic and his parents were very strict on religion. Every Sunday, the whole family would go to church and listen to the mass. As a child, Sonny hated it, but when he grew older, something changed. Might it have been his father’s alcohol addiction and abuse or Sonny’s own demons. _

 

_ Sonny’s father used to be the most loving man in the world when Sonny was younger. But then their family got poorer due to his father losing work and he getting lost in the bottle. After a while, Sonny’s father accused his son of everything wrong in the house and started to abuse him both mentally and physically. He never touched the girls, as Sonny would stand in the way. Sonny loved his sisters and didn’t want their father to hurt them in any way. Their mother was scared to do anything, she couldn’t leave or call the police. Sonny had tried to get her to tell someone, anyone, but she was too afraid of what their father would do. _

_ Sonny himself turned to drugs and alcohol to ease the pain he suffered almost every day. He numbed himself with various kind of pills or shots he could get his hands to. Usually his father stored enough alcohol for him to steal some without notice. _

 

_        One day was especially bad. Sonny’s father had been drinking for three days on a binge and had gotten angry at something Sonny had done wrong. He threw the boy against the kitchen table and kicked him on the floor. Their mother had screamed next to him to stop, tried to pull him off, but he wouldn’t stop until Sonny had dragged himself out the door. As Sonny got out, he ran as far as he could, feeling the pain in his sides. His lip was bleeding and his head felt like it could burst. He cried all the way he ran. _

  
  


       ‘’I got it,’’ Sonny jumped up from his desk and walked to Benson with a piece of paper. ‘’Here, he put 70 000 dollars on an account in the name of one ‘Stephanie Wiskowski’.’’

 

Benson investigated the paper and smiled to Sonny. ‘’Nice job, Carisi,  we’ve got him.’’

 

She patted him on the back and walked off with the rest of the team. ‘’Make sure to call Barba on this! Good work, Carisi!’’

 

Sonny was left there, still excited of his accomplishment. But it soon faded as he realized he had again been tossed off as soon as he had done the hard work for others. He walked back to his desk and got up the phone to call Barba.

 

‘’Yeah, we got him.’’ Sonny tried to sound energetic for Barba. ‘’Start preparing for a trial.’’

 

‘’Ha ha, good job.’’ Barba said back snarkily. ‘’Tell Liv that I’ll be coming around with a charge later today.’’

 

Sonny put down the phone and sat on the edge of his desk. He flicked through his watch and messages. Nothing interesting. He then looked at the time and decided to go out for another smoke. Damn, he had to walk by the shop to get a new pack.

  
  


_        It was Father Francis who found Sonny the next morning at the church’s back door. He got the mumbling and incoherent kid up to his feet and carried him inside to his office. Sonny was out of his mind on alcohol and some drugs by Father Francis’s examination.  _

 

_ ‘’Hey, Dominick,’’ the Father snapped his fingers before Sonny’s face trying to get his attention. ‘’Are you okay?’’ _

 

_ Sonny slowly got back to his senses, slurring a yes to the priest and tried to stand up but fell back down onto the chair he was seated in. Sonny knew Father Francis pretty well form all the time he had spent in the Sunday masses and other ceremonies at the church. He wasn’t too old, just over 30 and had short brown hair and green eyes. _

 

_ ‘’What happened?’’ Father Francis asked and looked at the kid. He had bruises all over and his face was still smudged with blood. _

 

_ ‘’Nothing.’’ Sonny said and looked away from the Father. _

 

_ ‘’Was it your father again? Did he do this to you?’’ Francis examined Sonny’s arm and the dark bruises on it. Sonny snapped his arm back and scowled at the priest. Father Francis moved back and gave the boy some space. ‘’I see. Do you want to talk about it?’’ _

 

_ Sonny looked at the man again with irritation and then away to calm himself. ‘’...No.’’ _

 

_ ‘’Are your sisters okay? What about your mother?’’ Francis asked and Sonny fought hard to keep awake. ‘’Dominick?’’ _

 

_ ‘’It’s Son... ny...’’ he said before slipping into sleep. He was exhausted from yesterday and still intoxicated. Father Francis sighed and got up to get out and walk to the nearby shop to get Sonny some food and water. As he got back, he found that Sonny had moved himself onto the small couch inside his office. He was fast asleep, so Father Francis simply left the food next to the couch on a small table. He was already running late on his daily work, so he left Sonny there to rest. _

  
  


       ‘’We’re going out to celebrate this little victory,’’ Rollins said to Sonny as she buttoned his jacket. ‘’You gonna join us? You helped a lot on the case, Carisi.’’

 

Sonny smiled at the woman and looked back to his phone. ‘’Nah, I’m fine. You go and have fun.’’

 

Rollins looked at Sonny. ‘’You sure? Okay then..’’ she turned to join the rest of the team but was faced with Barba.

 

‘’We can’t celebrate without the key-element in solving this case, can we?’’ Barba peeked past agent Rollins and smiled at Sonny. ‘’Come on, you have to come.’’ he held out Sonny’s jacket and scarf.

 

Sonny rolled his eyes and took his clothes from Barba. ‘’Okay, but only this one time.’’ Barba nodded pleased and tapped him on the shoulder. Sonny smiled and they walked out with the rest of the team. Sonny was secretly excited to finally see Barba get drunk as he had heard wild stories of the ADA doing god knows what after a few drinks. He was eager to hear the counsellor’s intoxicated pick-up lines as the night went on, as Sonny had noticed he had eyed him since day one.

  
  


_        After Father Francis had taken Sonny into his care for a few days, Sonny had gotten better. His bruises started to heal and they had gone to see Francis’s doctor friend to check out if his ribs were broken, which none of were, thankfully. Father Francis had also gone to the Carisi house to see if the rest of the family was okay. Sonny was relieved to hear, that his father had walked out soon after him running out and hadn’t come back. _

 

_ Father Francis had talked to Sonny, cleared out his thoughts. Sonny told him everything. The priest then had offered him a safe place inside the church. He also let Sonny work around the church, almost like his assistant. He followed Father Francis everywhere and observed his daily routines. _

 

_ Sonny felt safe in the church. Seeing all the golden ornaments and the artwork. The silence and calmness made him feel free, free from the abuse. He ended up spending months in the church, helping out with this and that. He often visited his home, making sure his mother and sisters were doing fine. Their father still hadn’t come back, which all of them considered a blessing. Sonny’s mother was proud of his son working in the church so she suggested him to become a priest. Sonny already had two cousins as priests, so he really liked the idea. _

 

_ Sonny had gotten attached to Father Francis. He started to read the bible, learn prayers and songs. Father Francis helped him with his studies, being a mentor. Sonny’s life had gotten into a good place, with no suffering. For the first time, he felt confident about himself. _

 

_       But it all was too good to keep going. Sonny’s father reappeared after almost two years. He was found in an alley, stabbed to death. All the bad memories poured back into Sonny’s mind as he was forced to carry his dead father’s casket. The day of the funeral was total pain for him. Remembering all the nights when he had gone to sleep beaten, bleeding. The idea of the man being dead didn’t help. Soon Sonny’s mother got sick and was bound to bed. Her memory was lost and she had to be put into care, although Sonny fought to keep her. He had to let her go, because it would destroy any hopes for a career, if he had to stay home every day to take care of her himself. _

 

_ Now Sonny only had his sisters and Father Francis. He had no friends, no other family living close. He was now the single carer of three sisters and had to somehow manage to pay for their living. Sonny had to quit studying the bible and consider better jobs. He ended up recruiting himself into the armed forces. They offered some money for young men and women to join the police. Father Francis helped the family with the little money he had to offer and Sonny used it to get his sisters through school. _

 

_      After a few years of studying and learning to be a cop, Sonny graduated. But he never got free from his father’s memory. Every job he got, every precinct, spat him out after a while. He never seemed to fit with people and everyone disliked him. He got into homicide for a few weeks before being transferred into SVU. There he met Sergeant Benson and agents Tutuola and Rollins. Soon he was introduced to the flamboyant ADA Rafael Barba and after a few months, he settled in. _

 

_ Now he had struggled with flashbacks for weeks and didn’t know other way to deal with them than go to church. He had never lost faith over the years. Father Francis had passed away due to a road accident and left a hole in Sonny’s heart a few years ago. He still visited his sister every week, giving them presents and money. His oldest sister had got her first baby a while ago, which made Sonny feel happy every time he visited them. But church was still his safe haven.  _

 

     ‘’Hi,’’ Sonny was startled by a man sitting next to him. ‘’Nice bumping into you here. Didn’t know you were a catholic.’’ Sonny recognized the man to be Barba. The church was almost empty, only a few people sitting there and praying.

 

‘’Hi.’’ Sonny said quietly and looked down to his hands that were holding a rosary. They sat silent for a moment, both in their own thoughts.

 

‘’I know it’s the house of God, but,’’ Barba said and poked his finger on Sonny’s arm. ‘’You want to go out with me sometime? For coffee or something?’’

 

Sonny chuckled and smiled. He knew this had been coming for a while. ‘’Sure, counsellor.’’ 

 

Barba gave him a grin and stood up. ‘’Come on then, no time to waste.’’ he held out his hand to Sonny and pulled him up.

 

‘’We’re going right now?’’ Sonny said as he got dragged out by Barba. He stuffed his rosary into his pocket and laughed as the other man pulled him along.

 

‘’Yes, I’ve got a meeting with the DA in a couple of hours, so I got a little time to spare.’’ Barba said carefree and walked on. Sonny chuckled again at the almost jogging attorney.

 

‘’Yeah, like I don’t have anything important to do…’’ Sonny said to himself and made Barba give him a look. ‘’Okay, I really don’t.’’


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Barisi-fluff-maniac here, it's been a while. I got so much nice feedback on the last one and people wanted to see where these two go, so... Here you have some more.

 

Sonny woke up from a nightmare only to notice, that he had drenched his side of the bed in sweat. He looked over to his left, pleased to find the ADA still fast asleep. He turned to his other side to glance at the clock on his phone and slumped back down on his back as it read 3:47am.

 

He stared up at the ceiling, trying to calm his breathing. He had seen the same nightmare again, the one about him being a child again and his family home burning down and his mother and sisters inside it. He was standing outside, looking from a distance and unable to move or scream for help. This nightmare had been haunting him for years now, surfacing itself every now and then.

 

Sonny ran his hands across his face and turned to his side, looking at the sleeping man beside him. They had been going out for a while now, and it had become a habit for Rafael to crash at his place instead of going to his own flat in one of the expensive apartment buildings at the centre of Manhattan.  Sonny didn’t mind it, he liked how the Cuban filled his small flat with his rambling. And he didn’t mind sharing his bed with someone either, although it didn’t help with the nightmares, he liked waking up next to someone who hadn’t bailed while he was asleep.

 

       ‘’Morning…’’

 

Sonny could hear a hoarse voice from the doorframe leading into his kitchen. He smiled back at the scruffy-haired attorney and pushed a plate forward on the table. ‘’I made some for you too.’’

 

The ADA sat down with a yawn and sunk his fork into some bacon and eggs. He really wasn’t a morning person, while Sonny had stayed up ever since he woke up during the night. Sonny had gotten used to not sleeping for many hours from when he was still young and doing God knows what through the nights. Working as a police officer didn’t really help with coming up with a sleeping schedule either.

 

‘’What’ve you got there?’’ Rafael fixed his attention to a stack of papers Sonny was studying opposite to him.

 

‘’It’s a new case we’re working on.’’ Sonny handed him the documents. ‘’It’s about some corporate fuck that ended up raping one of his secretaries at a party last month. It turns out he’s been hustling money on the side while keeping himself busy with the girls, too.’’

 

‘’A multi-layered case then? How many victims?’’ the attorney got his attention up. Sonny chuckled and emptied his coffee mug.

 

‘’We’ve got seven so far. Rollins is going over to interrogate a possible eight today.’’

 

‘’Interesting… Any solid evidence on the other rapes?’’ Rafael completely discarded his breakfast and flipped through the papers. Sonny couldn’t help but smirk at his excitement.

 

‘’Not really, just the girls and a couple coworkers telling about some shady meetings between the guy and the girls.’’

 

‘’Okay, get the girls to give full statements.’’ the other man stood up and walked out still reading the documents. ‘’I’ll get right into this.’’

 

‘’Right.’’ Sonny chuckled and scratched his ear. He gathered the plates and mugs, getting them into the already full sink and poured the rest of the coffee into a paper cup. He got a lid for it and then walked out into his bedroom, almost colliding with the attorney as he was heading for the door fully suited up.

 

‘’I’ll see you later, right?’’ Sonny asked and the man stopped mid-way through the door. Sonny turned around to face him and waited for a response.

 

‘’Of course.’’ Rafael said sweetly, walked over to plant a kiss on his cheek and then out, swinging the door loudly shut. Sonny smiled to himself, amused by the attorney barging out so quickly after getting a whiff of the case. 

  
  


_        The bible felt heavy in his hands as Sonny looked down to it, reading the lines without paying any thought to them. He raised his eyes from the book and rubbed his eyes, yawning wide. The scent of candles seeped into his nose and he looked around to see Father Francis lighting up some at the altar. _

 

_ ‘’You’re still reading?’’ the Father asked him and sat next to him on the long bench. He took the bible from Sonny and looked at what verse he was on. ‘’You’re revising Uriah and David?’’ _

 

_ Sonny nodded. ‘’I find it interesting. How Bathsheba was torn between the two of them. How David had Uriah killed.’’ _

 

_ ‘’It is a saddening story indeed. But I presume you’ve tired yourself enough for today.’’ Father Francis shut the book and stood up. ‘’Go to sleep, Dominick. You have a long day tomorrow, it’s Sunday.’’ _

 

_ ‘’Can I take the bible with me?’’ Sonny asked as the man ushered him along. Father Francis wondered for a moment before handing the book back to the young man’s slender hands. _

 

_ ‘’Promise me, you’ll sleep as well tonight.’’ he said with a warm smile before letting go. _

 

_ ‘’I promise.’’ Sonny said and watched the man walk away, somewhere into the dimly lit corridor. _

  
  


       The office was already in full motion as Sonny walked in with his paper cup. Benson was leaning over a table talking to Fin and pointing at something on a computer screen. Rollins was standing next to them and as she noticed Sonny lay down his bag and coat, she greeted him with a bright smile.

 

‘’We got him!’’ she said and Sonny looked at her dumbfounded. ‘’I went to the eight girl and turns out she had a recording of the guy actually forcing himself on her. We were just watchin it now.’’

 

Sonny walked over to them and Benson pressed the video on again. It was the usual crappy phone -quality, but it was clear that it could work as the key evidence in this case. ‘’Nice.’’

 

‘’And Barba is already calling the DA and getting a courtroom settled.’’ Rollins said and Sonny gave her a pat on the shoulder.

 

‘’Good job, team.’’ Benson said and turned to face the group. ‘’And Carisi, good job on catching that eight girl in our radar.’’

 

‘’Well, Rollins is the one who did the interrogating, so…’’ Sonny chuckled and tried to swivel himself away from the compliments. He didn’t really care for all that that much. Yes, he had overheard someone talk about this girl, but really it had been Rollins who wanted to push on and get to talk to her.

 

‘’Anyhow, this case is about done.’’ Benson said firmly after a while. ‘’We already got a new one this morning, a double-homicide.’’

 

‘’Great. A shit-ton of paperwork.’’ Fin breathed out and rolled his eyes. Benson tapped him on the back and they all parted ways, leaving Sonny stranded and alone. He watched after them, Benson hiding into her office, Fin disappearing somewhere towards the elevators and Rollins going after him. After all they’d been through, it was still so easy for them to forget him.

  
  


       Sonny struggled to find a comfortable position on his worn out couch and huffed to himself. Rafael peeked over the stack of papers he had been reading and chuckled. Sonny turned his head to him, his eyes pleading for something.

 

‘’I have work to do, Sonny.’’ the ADA said with a smirk. Sonny let his head fall back onto the couch and laid there. After a while of listening to the other man’s silent huffs, Rafael slapped the papers onto a table and walked over to Sonny, extending his hand towards him. ‘’Fine, you win.’’

 

Sonny smiled and took a hold of the man’s hand. Rafael pulled him up to his feet and they walked towards the door leading to a small balcony. They got out, feeling the crisp evening air on their faces. There were two armchairs and they quickly found their own.

 

‘’It’s quiet tonight.’’ Sonny said as they watched over the city skyline in the distance. Sonny’s apartment was further away, but they could still faintly hear the noise of traffic carried by the slight wind. Sonny felt Rafael take a hold of his hand again, holding it gently. They sat there quietly, watching the flickering lights and listening to the evening.

  
  


_        ‘’The city feels small up here, doesn’t it, Sonny?’’ Father Francis said and kept his hand on the young man’s shoulder. Sonny looked down, feeling dizzy from the height. The bell tower must’ve been at least 90 feet tall and they were at the top of it, looking out the large openings that let out the toll. ‘’It makes you realize how small you are in the world. How small of an impact you have.’’ _

 

_ Sonny looked at the scenery. The people walking on the street appeared as miniatures, roaming along aimlessly. The cars passed by leaving faint tracks of exhaust fumes behind. Hundreds and hundreds of apartment building windows. As Sonny extended his neck further, he noticed the Father’s grip on his shoulder tighten and he stepped back. _

 

_ ‘’Remember Sonny, that even at your loneliest moments in this enormous world, there is still someone who watches over you.’’ Father Francis looked him in the eyes and gestured upwards. Sonny nodded and looked back outside, inhaling the cool air surrounding him. _

  
  
  


       Another morning, another roll onto his side and seeing Rafael asleep. Sonny watched as the man’s chest rose every now and then, calmly and slowly. His hair was ruffled, making him look soft and young. Sonny savoured the moment and tried his best to imprint it onto his memory to be accessed at any time.

 

After a while, Sonny felt a twitch in the back of his brain telling him to get nicotine. He carefully wriggled himself out of the bed, not waking up the sleeping attorney. He sneaked out from the bedroom, making his way to the pack of cigarettes laying on the kitchen counter. As he got to it, a smile spread across his face as there was a small post-it attached to the top of it saying:  _ ‘’Stop smoking, dummy.’’ _

 

‘’Rafa…’’ Sonny said to himself and folded the post-it note and put it into his sweatpants’ pocket. He then got one cigarette out, heading for the balcony. The air was fresh and he sat down, lighting the cigarette and inhaling the smoke. ‘’Better.’’ he said to himself and looked outside, feeling how the air made his bare upper body shiver.

 

‘’Have you been smoking again?’’ Rafael asked as soon as he exited the bathroom with a toothbrush. Sonny smiled at him, not answering, and kissed him on the cheek. ‘’Ugh, you have.’’ Rafael wrinkled his nose and pulled back.

 

‘’Sorry,’’ Sonny said as he walked back to the kitchen table, opening the morning newspaper and sipping his coffee. ‘’But I’ve been cutting it down. It’s getting colder outside.’’

 

‘’Sure you have.’’ Rafael said monotone and got behind him, wrapping his free arm around him and resting the side of his face on his back while brushing his teeth with the other hand. The shorter man listened to Sonny's heartbeat and breathing, while he read through the articles.

 

As Rafael walked back into the bathroom, Sonny folded the newspaper and left it on the table. He went into the bedroom, changed on his work clothes, a gray suit, and joined the councillor in the bathroom. Sonny looked at himself for a while in the mirror and snorted at his hair pointing in a million different directions.

 

‘’I like it.’’ Rafael said sheepishly and ruffled his hair even more. Sonny chuckled and dug duck down to rinse his hair in the sink. He combed the wet hair back, styling it the way he liked it. Nice and clean.

 

‘’Am I getting grayer?’’ Sonny asked the other man as he studied himself in the mirror. Rafael looked at him through the mirror, comparing their hair colors.

 

‘’The minute I start getting gray, that’s when we have a problem.’’ Rafael said and felt Sonny pinch his side painfully. ‘’Ow, that hurts. But the gray suits you.’’

 

‘’Right…’’ Sonny said and finished styling his hair. The ADA gave him a small kiss on the cheek and exited the room, going for a wardrobe change himself. Sonny lingered at the bedroom door, watching him get ready. A neat dark blue suit, a plain white shirt, a red striped tie and… Yellow socks. He always had to put some crazy detail into his outfit.

‘’Since when did you move half your closet to my place?’’ Sonny asked as he saw the man battle between two overcoats. Rafael smirked at him.

 

‘’It’s been happening gradually as I keep on crashing here.’’ Rafael said back and held up the two coats. Sonny pointed at one and Rafael looked at it one more time before discarding the other. ‘’You ready to go?’’

 

‘’Yeah.’’ Sonny answered and they both went for the door, Sonny putting on his usual black coat. Before the attorney could open the door, he grabbed him by the shoulder, pulling him in into one last secret kiss. It was suspicious enough for them to arrive to the precinct at the same time, let alone people seeing this.

 

‘’Come on, I’ll talk you through the next case on the way.’’ Rafael smiled up to him and Sonny sighed as they exited the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, all the mistakes and horrible grammar are done by me <3


	3. Chapter 3

Sonny fiddled with his keys to find the right one to fit his door. He was soaking wet from the rain outside and his NYPD -jacket felt like it was suffocating him. They had stood outside a house for nearly seven hours trying to convince a man out and let his hostages go. All he wanted, was to get a hot shower and go to sleep.

 

As he dropped his keys onto the kitchen counter, he noticed a familiar phone on it. ‘’Rafael?’’ he called out, hearing a quiet response from the living room. Sonny peeked his head in and saw the attorney settled onto his couch with a pile of files next to him, invested in studying random papers. Sonny hummed as he saw the man hardly take notice of him. He turned, only to hear a deep suck of breath and papers scuffling together.

 

‘’I took the liberty of letting myself in. Oh, you’re soaked.’’ Rafael said and stared at Sonny, who opened his arms and scoffed.

 

‘’We were in a standoff for the whole day.’’ Sonny said and sighed. ‘’I’m busted. Gonna take a shower and then head for bed.’’

 

‘’...can I join you?’’ the ADA said with an innocent smirk. He eyed Sonny up and down, examining his wet outlook. ‘’You know I like a man in a uniform.’’

 

Sonny sneered at him and waved his hand toward the bathroom. ‘’Fine. But this awful jacket is hardly a uniform to begin with. And it’s too thin to even keep the rain from getting through, I hate it so-’’

‘’Shut up, Junior.’’ Rafael said and held a finger to Sonny’s lips. ‘’Let me enjoy this, please?’’

  
  


_ Sonny walked down the street, groceries in one hand and a schoolbook in the other. He checked his wristwatch for the time and cursed silently at it. He fastened his pace and hurried over the sidewalk towards a schoolyard. His little sister was standing there, alone, with one of the teachers. Her face lit up as soon as she caught a glimpse at Sonny. _

 

_ ‘’I’m so sorry, the shop had a broken register and I had to wait for them to repair it-’’ Sonny started and took a hold of his sister’s hand. The teacher stopped him and shook her head; ‘’It’s okay, you’re not too late. But promise me you’ll try to make it in the future.’’ _

 

_ ‘’Of course, I’m so sorry.’’ Sonny apologized a few times more before the teacher nodded and headed back inside the school building. Gina looked up to Sonny and he smiled at her. ‘’Let’s go home.’’ _

 

_ Their little home was near the church, since Sonny had a hard time letting it go. Father Francis would pop in for a visit a few times in a month, buy them food and other things. Sonny would always say, that they didn’t need any help, but in reality it was hard to keep up a family of four with just the payment he got from signing in the academy. He had to pay for his sister’s schooling and at the same time try to sustain a healthy life for all of them. Sonny would do odd-jobs aside from studying, but learning to be a policeman used up most of his time. _

 

_ ‘’How are you?’’ Father Francis asked Sonny as they sat at the kitchen table. Sonny had put his sisters to sleep and now they were enjoying the time alone. _

 

_ ‘’We’re surviving.’’ Sonny answered and rubbed his tired eyes. ‘’It’s not been easy.’’ _

 

_ Father Francis leaned over the table to place his hand on top of Sonny’s. ‘’You are all always welcome to the church if you need anything. I’ll do my best to help you.’’ _

 

_ Sonny looked at their hands and smiled weakly. ‘’Thank you, Father. But you’ve helped more than enough already.’’ The priest retracted his hand and smiled back at him. _

 

_ ‘’You’ve grown into a fine young man, Sonny. I’m sure you’ll take good care of your sisters.’’ he said and stood up, readying himself to leave. ‘’There’ll be a mass on Sunday, will you come?’’ _

 

_ Sonny stood up as well, handing the man his coat. ‘’I would never miss a mass, Father.’’ _

  
  
  


Sonny yawned as he sat down to his desk at the precinct. There was already a pile of documents next to his laptop and he flipped through them without really reading anything. After a few minutes, Rollins arrived too and settled a cup of coffee in front of him.

 

‘’You look like you need one.’’ she said and sat down at her own workstation. Sonny thanked her and took a sip, the hot liquid making him feel a little better.

 

‘’What’s all this?’’ Sonny asked and pointed at the pile of documents. Rollins opened her computer and logged in.

 

‘’Oh, it’s the new case. A lot of paperwork to go through.’’ she said and tapped something on her keyboard. ‘’Fin will be over the moon.’’

 

Sonny chuckled and took the pile into his hands again to take a more proper look. He grimaced at the text. ‘’Wow, this is a lot. How’d you even find all of this out?’’

 

‘’He just walked in last night, blurting out a confession.’’ Rollins leaned back in her chair. ‘’You should’ve been here to see it. The guy was mental.’’

 

‘’Huh.’’ Sonny huffed and went through the pages. These kind of cases were a rare and welcomed incident to the constant digging they had to do to prosecute someone. Rafael must like an easy trial too for a change.

 

The smoking area was packed with people from the precinct as Sonny opened a fresh pack of cigarettes. He put the pack back into his pocket, only to feel a small paper note inside it. He took it out and folded it open;  _ ‘’Stop smoking, dummy.’’ _

 

Sonny smiled at the note, remembering putting it in his coat pocket to remind him of Rafael’s strict stand to try and make him quit. Sonny put the note into his pocket, tossed the cigarette and walked back inside. As he exited the elevator, he walked to his desk and was met with the infamous ADA sitting on the edge of it.

 

‘’Hello,’’ the man said and pushed himself off his desk. ‘’Here, give this to Liv when you can. And,’’ he leaned in closer to Sonny. ‘’come to my office later, I gave my secretary some time off today.’’

 

Sonny felt his ears burn hot as the attorney walked past him. He took a quick look at Rollins, who was sat at her own desk eating her lunch and grinning at him knowingly. Sonny rushed into Benson’s office to escape a query from his colleague and handed the paper to the lieutenant. ‘’From Barba. Something important, I guess...’’ his ears were still burning.

 

‘’Thanks, Carisi.’’ lieutenant Benson looked at the paper and waved him off. Sonny left the office and walked back to his desk. Rollins’ eyes followed him the whole way.

 

‘’So...You and Barba…’’ she started and ate a piece of tomato. Sonny hid behind his laptop screen as best as he could, not answering. ‘’I see… Have you been going out for long?’’

 

Sonny closed the laptop and looked at her. He leaned in a little and whispered: ‘’For a few months, yeah. But you can’t tell anyone, okay?’’

 

Rollins dug a fork into her salad. ‘’Of course not,’’ she shook her head and smiled. ‘’I would never.’’

 

‘’Good.’’ Sonny said and leaned back. He trusted her enough as a friend to think she could keep her word. It wouldn’t be good for him and Rafael to be out in public since they were working together. Or that’s what Sonny thought at least.

  
  


_ It was already getting dark when Sonny escorted his three sisters down the street towards the church. He was holding Bella and Gina by their hands, while Teresa held Gina’s. They walked in a line and Sonny was constantly checking that Teresa was still holding on. _

 

_ ‘’Do we really have to go?’’ Bella started as they were closing in on the church. Sonny tightened his grip on her hand, quickening their walk. _

 

_ ‘’Yes, church is important.’’ he said as they reached the open doors and entered. The warmth of the church wrapped around them and Sonny ushered his sisters towards the front, seating all of them down on one of the pews. As he sat down, Father Francis emerged up onto a stand and started his speech. Sonny listened intently to what he spoke and occasionally hushed his sisters to stay quiet. _

 

_ After the mass, Sonny was helping his sisters get their winter clothing back on and saw the priest walk towards them. _

 

_ ‘’It was a beautiful mass, Father.’’ Sonny said and the Father smiled at him. _

 

_ ‘’Thank you. Nice to see all of you here again.’’ he said and kneeled down to see the girls face to face. ‘’Did you three enjoy it?’’ _

 

_ Sonny nudged Bella a little to get her to say yes. The girls all smiled to the priest and he stood back up pleased. ‘’Good. Maria,’’ he looked over his shoulder at a young woman. ‘’Could you keep the girls some company for a while?’’. She was a voluntary worker at the church and walked to them, sitting with the girls as Father Francis lead Sonny into his office. _

_ ‘’Sonny, I have something for you.’’ the priest said at the young man as he closed the door. He went to his desk, shuffling through one of its drawers. Sonny waited for him to find something and then return to him.  _

 

_ ‘’Here, it’s my old cross.’’ Father Francis showed him a beautiful golden cross on a long chain. It glimmered in the dim lighting and Sonny was reluctant to take it into his own hands. ‘’I want you to have it.’’ _

 

_ Sonny stared at the necklace dumbfound, not able to form proper words. ‘’Father, I can’t-’’ _

 

_ The priest closed his hand around the cross, gripping firmly. ‘’No, take it. You need it more than me.’’ _

 

_ Sonny looked into the other man’s eyes, feeling his heart twitch. ‘’O-Okay…’’ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading !


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